For an Audience of One

I'm a self-proclaimed "People Pleaser" and have been most of my life. Although many might find that label to be negative, there are actually some positive attributes that come with that title. I didn't need to take a "Spiritual Gifts Inventory" to know that God has given me the gift of service, hospitality and compassion. My heart's desire is to show people the love of Christ through serving them. When people around me hurt, I hurt. When I come across people in need, my nature is to do everything in my power to "fix" the problem. This is how God made me. Over the years, though, there have been times that being a "People Pleaser" have actually distanced me from God. I so desired to please someone that it came at the expense of my family and/or myself. After all, I can only put myself last and neglect myself for so long that I can't properly serve others the way God has called me to serve them. Many times, I've devoted so much of my time to someone or something else that I completely neglected my own Spiritual life and Spiritual growth. Not to mention, that I can become so devoted to the task of helping that I lose the PURPOSE of helping, which is to bring glory to God. I'm learning to evaluate why I do things by asking myself this question I read from an unknown author:

Do I crave the affirmation of those I serve, and do they help me feel important? Or do I serve because Jesus has so filled my heart that I must find a place to pour the overflow?

It's amazing how that series of questions can humble me to my knees! If there is one thing I don't ever want to be known as, it's a "quitter." I strive each and every day to be the best I can be and live the abundant life God has planned for me, but I've come to realize that not everything I desire to do is what God has called me to do. Many times, I've had to reevaluate my intentions behind what I do. If I can't answer them with "to glorify God," then quitting might become necessary. Not too long ago, I applied and gained entrance to Fuller Seminary in Pasadena to get a Masters degree in Christian Leadership. I have no doubt God called me to apply to the school as I prayed earnestly about the decision and felt I was answering God's call. However, when the time came to enroll in classes, I began to have doubt about my decision to attend seminary. What I realized is that there was a difference in being called to apply and being called to attend. Yes, God called me to apply.....I learned so much about myself during the process of answering essay questions in the application. But, when it came to actually attending, I realized it wasn't God calling me to attend, but myself wanting to please my parents and those around me. God wanted to teach me so much I could only learn through the application process, but His plan didn't include actually attending. I had to humble myself to "quit" school, even if it meant those around me might view me as a "quitter" because God's purpose was way more important than anything people might think of me that I can't even control. Who knows, God might call me to actually attend Fuller some day, but for now, I wait on Him and His plan and purpose alone. I live for an audience of ONE. I cannot live my life to please others, but to please the One that gave me life. Therefore, I'm removing the title of "People Pleaser" and picking up the title of "God's Servant."