For an Audience of One

I'm a self-proclaimed "People Pleaser" and have been most of my life. Although many might find that label to be negative, there are actually some positive attributes that come with that title. I didn't need to take a "Spiritual Gifts Inventory" to know that God has given me the gift of service, hospitality and compassion. My heart's desire is to show people the love of Christ through serving them. When people around me hurt, I hurt. When I come across people in need, my nature is to do everything in my power to "fix" the problem. This is how God made me. Over the years, though, there have been times that being a "People Pleaser" have actually distanced me from God. I so desired to please someone that it came at the expense of my family and/or myself. After all, I can only put myself last and neglect myself for so long that I can't properly serve others the way God has called me to serve them. Many times, I've devoted so much of my time to someone or something else that I completely neglected my own Spiritual life and Spiritual growth. Not to mention, that I can become so devoted to the task of helping that I lose the PURPOSE of helping, which is to bring glory to God. I'm learning to evaluate why I do things by asking myself this question I read from an unknown author:

Do I crave the affirmation of those I serve, and do they help me feel important? Or do I serve because Jesus has so filled my heart that I must find a place to pour the overflow?

It's amazing how that series of questions can humble me to my knees! If there is one thing I don't ever want to be known as, it's a "quitter." I strive each and every day to be the best I can be and live the abundant life God has planned for me, but I've come to realize that not everything I desire to do is what God has called me to do. Many times, I've had to reevaluate my intentions behind what I do. If I can't answer them with "to glorify God," then quitting might become necessary. Not too long ago, I applied and gained entrance to Fuller Seminary in Pasadena to get a Masters degree in Christian Leadership. I have no doubt God called me to apply to the school as I prayed earnestly about the decision and felt I was answering God's call. However, when the time came to enroll in classes, I began to have doubt about my decision to attend seminary. What I realized is that there was a difference in being called to apply and being called to attend. Yes, God called me to apply.....I learned so much about myself during the process of answering essay questions in the application. But, when it came to actually attending, I realized it wasn't God calling me to attend, but myself wanting to please my parents and those around me. God wanted to teach me so much I could only learn through the application process, but His plan didn't include actually attending. I had to humble myself to "quit" school, even if it meant those around me might view me as a "quitter" because God's purpose was way more important than anything people might think of me that I can't even control. Who knows, God might call me to actually attend Fuller some day, but for now, I wait on Him and His plan and purpose alone. I live for an audience of ONE. I cannot live my life to please others, but to please the One that gave me life. Therefore, I'm removing the title of "People Pleaser" and picking up the title of "God's Servant."

I Left my Heart in Kenya

No amount of debriefing could have prepared me for returning to the United States. I have truly left my heart in Kenya! I've only been home for five days and all I can think about is returning, but this time with my family. Spending two weeks serving in Kenya was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. Next to the birth of my children, I've never felt so alive and profound purpose as I did in Kenya. For years, there's been a piece of me that has desired to be a full time missionary. In fact, I've spent the last six years praying that God would send me on a short term missions trip to Kenya and now that I've been there, I'm praying for Him to open the door for long term service in Kenya.

There is just something about the people that captured my heart. Maybe it's their sense of community despite all the poverty around them. Maybe it's their eagerness to hear about Jesus or maybe it's the children that I fell in love with half way across the world. All I know is that ever since I left, everything inside of me yearns to be back in Africa.

There is such a loss in my heart having left my dear Hadassah in the Kawangware Slums. I absolutely fell in love with her and desire her to be my very own just like my own daughters. Driving away from her last week tore me apart and I dream of being with her again. I have a constant movie playing in my brain of Hadassah and my girls playing together, my girls loving her and watching out for her. I'm praying for her daily and I'm so excited that such a small sacrifice of money from my family will be life changing for her. I hold on to the hope that she will be back in my arms again soon.

Yes, I left my heart in Kenya. My prayer is that I'll return soon with my family and they will love it as much as I do.

Reflections on Kenya

I arrived home safely from Kenya on Saturday and I'm still overwhelmed with emotions from my experience there. It was truly an amazing two weeks and I feel so honored and blessed that God opened up the opportunity for me to be a part of the awesome team He carefully put together to serve out His purpose in the Kawangware Slums of Kenya. I'm still processing all I saw and heard and felt while there. God was and continues to be at work in my life through this experience.

Upon arriving in the Kawangware Slums and seeing the living conditions for the first time, my heart broke. Broken down huts, trash, sewage, sick animals, hungry children, people so affected by HIV.....it tore me to pieces. My heart ached for these people and I began to wonder how my team of just 12 people could possibly make a difference in two short weeks. But, with God, nothing is impossible and I quickly learned that if we kept our focus on God, mountains could be moved and they were definitely moved!

It didn't take long for me to be able to look past the visual heartbreak of life in the slums and see the heart of the people that live there. What I saw was neighbors helping neighbors. People looking out for each other's children and a sense of community that I envy and long for at home. Sure, there were pick-pockets and drunks and places to avoid, but overall, I saw joy in the faces of the people I passed as I walked through the slums. I began to see people that had joy in their hearts despite the poverty all around them. As I walked along the road, I found that a smile on my face and a wave of my hand brought stares at my white skin to a friendly welcome on the faces of the people I passed.

What amazed me most about the Kawangware Slums was the hospitality of the people. At home, I would never open my door to a stranger, but as we approached the homes of complete strangers, we were welcomed in with warm hospitality. We found people that desperately wanted to know about Jesus and wanted us to pray with and for them. Never have I felt so welcomed by complete strangers!

One of my team's major tasks in Kenya was to put on the first ever youth only (ages 12-17) VBS for CCP (Chosen Children of Promise). We started each afternoon with fun games, which they loved. The kids were divided into two teams, "Kaboomboom" and "Gladiators" (they came up with the names) and they competed for points. The kids cheered for each other like I've never heard before. I often spent game time in complete awe of their great spirit for each other. After game time, was worship time with the kids leading the songs of praise. Let me tell you, these kids know how to worship! As I posted before, I had the awesome opportunity to teach on forgiveness and it was such an amazing experience to hear feedback from the kids how they learned from my experiences and yearned for hearts of forgiveness. We also did small groups to discuss the lessons. I was often blown away by how well they all listened and applied what they learned to their lives. It took some time to build that trust, but once we built it, the floodgates were opened. I led a group, along with CCP staff member, Emmanual, of 12 kids that I adored. The days were always wrapped up with snacks of tea and Mandazi (kind of like a donut) and closing worship song. We all agreed that the VBS was a huge success and best of all, over 20 kids gave their lives to Christ!

Some of my favorite moments in Kenya were the opportunities we had to give generously to the people. Through the money that my team raised to go to Kenya, we were able to bless so many people. We had the awesome opportunity to surprise 110 kids with brand new pairs of shoes. Most of those kids have never owned a new pair of shoes that actually fit their feet! (We traced the feet of all the children to get their sizes.) Also, through a prayer walk we did our first full day in the slums, we were able to identify 250 families that not only desperately needed the love of Christ, but also desperately were in need of food and basic household supplies. We put together 250 "goody bags" and, with the help of the VBS kids, hand delivered them to the families we met and prayed with on the prayer walk. The joy and surprise on their faces as we delivered the bags brought tears to my eyes. Through that simple gesture of love, many people gave their lives to Christ. I so wish I could be there in two weeks, when each of those families will be surprised by a second bag filled with the same supplies. The CCP staff will make those deliveries. The VBS kids were so honored to be able to give such gifts that they could never do on their own. Best of all, upon return to the community center, we surprised all the kids with bags for them to take home too.

There were two special girls that I formed special bonds with while in Kenya. First, was 4-year-old Hadassah that I now sponsor and wrote about in a previous blog. The second was a 15-year-old girl by the name of Lydia. She was in my small group and everyday she would save the chair next to her for me to sit in. I was always the first person she looked for when she arrived at the CCP Community Center and the last person she said goodbye to each day. She was a shy girl that didn't have a lot to say, but her smile said it all. She wrote me such a touching note on my last day sharing how much I had touched her life. But truly, it was my life that was touched by her! She also shared that she hoped her aunt would give her permission to come live with me in the USA. If only it were that simple, I would gladly welcome her. I told her to return to the Community Center the next Monday and there would be a surprise for her. I left a bunch of my clothes and headbands for her. I wish I could see her face when she receives them.

Although our team was able to accomplish so much in the Kawangware Slums in two short weeks, it's my life that was forever changed. I learned so much about myself and grew closer to Christ through this experience. It was a true blessing for me to work alongside of the amazing CCP staff and 11 other teammates that will forever be in my heart. A huge piece of my heart was left in Kenya and I can't wait to return again.

And a little laughter.....Part 2

My team has reminded me of so many funny moments I forgot in Part 1, so I've decided to add a Part 2. So, for your enjoyment:

While on safari, our team was divided into 2 vans with 6 people in each van. Most of the time our 2 vans were together. At one point, some zebras crossed the road right in front of our van. Thinking our other van was behind us, I turned around and yelled "Why did the zebra cross the road?" Much to my embarrassment, the van behind us wasn't our group, but another group of people. They all smiled back at me as Mimi said, "Did you think that (pointing to the van behind us) was them (pointing to the van in our group in front of us?" Oh well!

Also while on safari, we had been stopped to watch some giraffes. When the van went to drive away, Adele waved goodbye to the giraffe. I'm sure the giraffe appreciated her farewell.

Yet another moment on safari, while at the hotel, we were all waiting in line at the pizza bar when Karisa struck up a conversation with one of the chefs. He asked her how long she was staying here and she told him just one night. He proceeded to ask where she was staying and she replied, "Kenya." Everyone in line, not just people from our group laughed at her expense.

Poor Justin has been suffering from a bad bout with diarrhea ever since eating the mystery meat on the first day in Kenya. He has been surviving on rice and crackers since we got here. He has been working on a name for his illness for 2 weeks now and finally named it "The Slum Bum" this evening. Enough said!

Yesterday during worship, one of the volunteers at the CCP Community Center grabbed Karissa's phone to video everyone in the room. Last night, while going through the videos, we discovered a 4 second video of me dancing like a white girl to "Father Abraham." I am a white girl!

While walking through the slums, we get a variety of reactions from people along the way. Jeanette was the first to encounter a drunk man that propositioned her for sex. She told him, "no thanks" and moved on. Not to be outdone, Mimi received a marriage proposal while walking in the slums. Her mother, Nancy, is also on the trip, but did not approve of the marriage.

Speaking of drunk people. As Karissa and I were walking through the slums with a CCP social worker, we came across a man that said he wanted to know all about Jesus. We were talking to him as we walked (hopeful to bring him to Christ), but he was insistent that we come to his house and talk to him. We explained over and over that we couldn't (not only did we know it wasn't safe, but we were already running late at returning to the Community Center), he finally gave up and walked away. Karissa and I were very disappointed to find out from the social worker, Lucy, that he was drunk and high on drugs. How did we not realize that???

Tonight, we all went out to dinner and were excited to hear some American music where we ate. Many on the team began dancing in their seats and singing along. Still wound up from the restaurant, we began singing to Stella in the van. We sang all the songs we've been singing at the community center as loud as we could. Stella was sad she didn't have her phone with her to record us and use it as her ring tone. We promised her that when she picks us up in the morning, we will give her an encore concert.

Check out this funny video on cravings: http://www.youtube.com/user/ccvshiftstudents1#p/a/u/1/nnoYg2sei6Y

That's it for now, but you never know, there might be a part 3 since this barely puts a dent in all the funny moments.

Shopping with Hadassah

I finally got to see Hadassah today! I met her, her mom and her sister, Stella, at the market place for a shopping spree. Our first stop was at a clothing store where she was amazed by all the choices she had of pretty dresses. I don't think she's ever owned a new outfit before, much less a beautiful dress. She picked out a fancy dress with a bright yellow top, black full skirt and a great big, black bow around the neck. Her face lit up when she put it on. She didn't want to take it off. Our next stop was shoes. She picked out the shiniest pink shoes with a silver glitter bow on the top. They didn't match her dress but she didn't care. She loved them! We tried to talk her into the same dress but in a different color to match her shoes but she wanted nothing to do with that. The yellow and black dress went perfectly with her pink shoes in her 4 year-old brain.

Although I don't sponsor her sister, Stella, I didn't want to leave her out. I had her pick out an outfit too. She quickly picked out a yellow and black sweater that matched her sister's dress. Then she picked out a jean skirt that went well below her knees but it didn't pass Mama's test. She wanted her to wear something longer. She settled for a black skirt that went to her mid calf and pleased her mother. She was so thankful as she didn't expect to get anything for herself.

Our final stop was at a shop called "Wallmart" (yes, it's spelled with 2 l's). It was much smaller than our Walmarts but had a bit of everything. I told Mama Hadassah (mother's in Kenya are called by "Mama," followed by their child's name) to pick out a couple of things for her home she needed. She carefully picked a thermos to keep food warm and a little stove. She was so grateful for these items and she couldn't stop thanking me.

I was able to purchase all these items with just $40. That same amount of money would cover 2 months of rent for her tiny home in the Kawangware slums. It amazes me how little this family survives on each month. Often, after the rent is paid, there is little money for food. My sponsorship will provide monthly food for the family, school and medical care for Hadassah. My little sacrifice of $50 a month will provide so much for this little girl living in the slums on the other side of the world from me.

After the shopping trip, came the dreaded moment that I had to say goodbye to Hadassah and her family. I pray that I can return to Kenya in 2-3 years, but it also crossed my mind that this might be the last time I see her in person, hold her in my arms or hold her hand as I walk with her. God willing, it won't be the last time I see her. The first time I met Hadassah last week, she was fascinated with my watch and how it lit up when she pressed a button. I decided that I could survive my last few days in Kenya without a watch and I took it from my wrist and put it on Hadassah's wrist. She was so excited and my eyes teared up. I looked up at her mother and her eyes were also tearing up. She gave me the "2 cheek hug" they give in Kenya and couldn't stop thanking me. Stella also hugged me and thanked me again and then I held and hugged Hadassah for the last time before getting back into the van. As I climbed into the van, I burst into tears. I didn't want to leave this precious girl that I've grown to love so much. I waved to them as we drove away with so many emotions running through me. I was so happy to bless this family, yet heart-broken to say goodbye.

And a little laughter......

Although my team is in Kenya to serve God in the Kawangware Slums, there is still time for fun and laughter. I've decided to share some of those moments in my blog for your enjoyment, although they probably won't be as funny to you as they are to us.

Something we hear everyday as we drive or walk through the slums is a chant from the children that grows and grows as more children join in. That chant is "How are you? How are you? HOW ARE YOU?" It goes on and on until we're out of sight. The kids get so excited when we repeat the chant back to them. What makes this more comical is that many of the kids don't know the actual question, but more the rhythm, so they say, "malaru, malaru, malaru." What makes this funny is that in Swahili, malaru means "potato." So, basically, we're called potatoes!

Another word we hear a lot is "Mzungu," which means "white person." Word in the slums spreads quickly that the "Mzungus are here." We have also heard it in the market place when the vendors are trying to get us to purchase their goods. I had an experience the other day when I was trying to negotiate a price on some wooden crosses and the vendor said he had to check the price with his boss. I attempted to follow the vendor when he stopped me and said, "He'll see you're a Mzungu and raise the price." I knew what he was really up to. He didn't have exactly what I wanted, so he was working as a middle man to sell me someone else's goods.

My team has heard all kinds of funny things in the market place. Here are some of the discounts we've been offered: Christian discount ("my sister is a nun!"), student discount, pastor discount, American discount and my personal favorite...."I'll give you a good discount since your President Obama was born in Kenya." Really? He has spent a bit of time trying to defuse that rumor.

Mark, our team leader, has an accent from living many years in Africa and South America. On our first day in the community center, the youth got in a giant circle and put us in the middle to introduce ourselves. As we said our names, the kids repeated them. When Mark said his name, his accent silenced the "r" and it sounded like "Mawk." The kids repeated it exactly and we haven't stopped pronouncing his name like that since. We often mimic his accent and come up with funny things to say. Karissa loves to take it a step further and add a Russian accent to the mix.

The driving in Kenya is just CRAZY! It makes driving in Mexico seem like a breeze. Drivers go when they want to, make their own lanes, and run down anything or anyone that gets in their way. Pedestrians definitely don't get the right-of-way here! Stella, she works for CCP and drives us everywhere, is excellent at swerving, honking and being an aggressive driver. We all joke that we will likely be in a car accident before leaving Kenya.

We all get a kick out of the Kenyan soap operas the cooks watch while we eat dinner. They are all Hispanic actors/actresses but their accents sound Japanese. The cooks love them though!

That's all for now. We only have 2 full days left in Kenya then we begin the 21 hour journey flying home. We have VERY BUSY days ahead of us, but they are exciting days. Tomorrow I get to take Hedessah shopping and I'm so excited to see her again. I will post pictures when I return home, so please check back for those. :)

The Joy of Giving

One of the things I love most about being in Kenya is being able to give to the community in the Kawangware Slums. Last Thursday was an exciting day as the shoes arrived for all the children (we had measured their feat on Monday). We worked together to sort the shoes and add 2 pairs of socks to each bag of shoes. We waited until the end of the day, after the lessons and small groups to surprise them. Many of the children have never had their own pair of new shoes, so this was quite a surprise! They jumped for joy as they received their shoes and tried them on. I thought for sure they would change their shoes and walk home in their new shoes, but I was wrong. They treasured them so much, they wrapped them back up in their bags to protect them and save them for when school starts again. .

Yesterday was a day we had all been waiting for. The first day we were here in the Kawangware Slums, we went on a prayer walk with the youth from CCP. On that day, we identified families with extreme financial needs (everyone in the slums have financial needs, but we sought out those going long periods of time hungry). Our team, using money we raised through our sponsors and fundraising (which also paid for the shoes), was able to purchase 200 gift bags filled with food and household needs. My team, along with the CCP staff, stuffed the gift bags together. It was comical at times as food and soap were being thrown through the air. Once the youth arrived, we gathered in our teams from the prayer walk and went out into the slums to deliver the gift bags. My team delivered to 4 homes. It was overwhelming to see the joy on the faces of the recipients. We were able to provide life sustaining supplies to so many families. One family that was visited had no money for food and had just borrowed money from a neighbor that morning to purchase food. She was so excited to be able to return that money. She also shared that when the team visited the week before, she was very sick. After they prayed for her, she was now well. It's awesome to see people with so little praising God for His provision. God is so good!!

Later, after returning from the home deliveries, we surprised the kids with gift bags for their own families. I was touched by their cheering and the joy on their faces as they carried their bags home, some slung over their backs and others on their heads. Some kids were so small they could barely carry their bags!

Again, I would like to thank all my sponsors for giving me the opportunity to serve in Kenya and use your funds to purchase the shoes and food for those in need. I praise God for you all!

Forgiveness

Today was the day I had been preparing for for weeks. It was my day to share my testimony and preach on Forgiveness and Grace. I knew this was going to be an emotional day as I would be sharing very difficult times from my past. Justin helped me prepare last night as I filled in any gaps I had in my lesson and write the questions for the small groups we do after the teaching. I went to bed last night feeling confident. I wish I woke up that way! After some prayer, I settled down and headed out for home visits in the slum. Upon arriving at the community center, there was no time to think about the lesson as we had a meeting with HIV positive mothers and handed out nutritional supplements. Soon the youth began to arrive and my nerves started up again. Fortunately, I have an awesome team and they gathered around me and prayed for me before I sat down to study. The time had come for the youth to gather in the meeting room for worship and the lesson. I took a deep breath and gave it all to God. After all, it was God's message, I was only the vessel He was using to deliver the message. As Justin introduced me, I stepped up confident and ready. I have to say, Kenyan children are the best audience! They are so excited to hear what you have to say and aren't disruptive when they're supposed to be quiet. If only youth in America could be such great listeners! I began with my testimony and shared honestly and openly about the deepest part of my soul. As soon as I shared about rape, my heart broke as I saw the look on some of the girl's faces that they knew that same pain. After I finished with my testimony, I went into my lesson on forgiveness and how important it is to our faith and and healing in our hearts, especially how forgiveness has healed me. I finished to a roaring applause and joy filled my heart. The highlight of the day was when a couple of girls approached me after small groups and asked if I could give them pictures of me so they could remember me and my story for the rest of their lives. Once again, I was reminded why God sent me to Africa and is fulfilling His promise that He'll use all things in my life for His good.

I also want to mention that the shoes that we purchased for all the youth arrived and it was such an awesome experience to see the joy on their faces as they received the shoes, many of which were receiving their first pair of new shoes in their life. It was overwhelming as kids hugged us and thanked us for such a gift. Yes, God is good!

It's a girl!

I arrived in Kenya knowing that I wanted to sponsor a child through CCP, but I had specifically waited to pick a child until this trip because I wanted to actually know my child and sponsor a child I connected with. The other night, Stella, the lady that runs CCP, brought profiles of all the available children to the guest house for us to look at. The second to the last profile I looked at was a 4 year-old girl named Hadassah and her sweet face caught my attention and when I read she likes to jump rope, my heart skipped a beat. The next morning, which was yesterday morning, our team was scheduled for home visits in the Kawangware Slums and they arranged for me to meet Hadassah. When I arrived, I found a bright-eyed girl with a sweet smile that lit up her face. At first, she was a bit shy until I got down to her level and opened my arms to her. One of her friends came running over and hugged me then Hadassah followed her friend's lead. I picked her up, she giggled and I was hooked! Love just flowed through my heart and I knew I found my little girl. It took about 20 minutes to locate her mother, so as we waited, we played. We didn't have a jump rope so we just jumped, then we danced and soon about 5 of her friends joined us but Hadassah made sure she was the only child I held.

When Hadassah's mother, Beatrice, arrived she invited us into her very humble home to talk. Beatrice was married and had a daughter, Stella, who is now 13. Her husband got sick and died and they later determined he most likely died of AIDS. Beatrice was lonely, poor and didn't know what to do. In order to survive and provide for her daughter, she began prostituting. She eventually found herself a boyfriend and got pregnant. During her prenatal care, she learned she was HIV positive and the boyfriend, Hadassah's father, left her. He has never been seen again. Hadassah tested HIV negative at birth and at 1 year. The standard is to test again at age 5 as that is most likely when it will show up. She is showing symptoms of the disease so we are all praying that when they test her again in October, she will be negative. Her mother has had a very difficult time earning enough money to pay for their rent and food. They often go hungry. News of her HIV status spread among the slums and no one would buy her fruits and vegetables anymore. She now earns a very meager income washing clothes for neighbors.

When I told Beatrice I wanted to sponsor her daughter, she was overjoyed. My sponsorship will provide her school fees, nutritional needs, medical treatment and so much more. When it was time to leave, Hadassah didn't want me to leave. I gave her a hug and promised her I would be back next week. What she doesn't know is that I'll be taking her shopping next week for clothes, food and toys. I can't wait! Hadassah chased after me as I left her lot reaching for me. It broke my heart to leave her.

If God brought me to Kenya just to meet Hadassah, then it's been worth the trip. She is a precious child, loved by God and loved by me.

Greetings from Kenya

Greetings from Kenya! Yesterday was our first full day in the Kawangware Slums in Nairobi, Kenya. The day can't be described in mere words, but I'll do my best. We started the day in the CCP (Chosen Children of Promise) offices and did a prayer walk through the slums. The living conditions were unlike anything I've ever seen before. The roads are anything but smooth, trash, unknown wet waste, filth, a smell unlike anything I've ever smelled before. Americans know no poverty like I've seen here. Everyone lives in filth, animals roam everywhere, injured and dirty. I could feel all the eyes that were on me as these strangers walked their village. Small children ran towards me to touch my white skin to see if it was real. Many have never seen white skin before. They wondered if they could rub it off. Something that was unmistakable though, was their desire to meet us and welcome us into their homes. Many were full of smiles for their unexpected visitors. The children would laugh and chase us, chanting "How are you? How are you? How are you?" As I said earlier, we had the opportunity to enter homes, meet caretakers of the CCP children and pray for them for their many needs: financial, health, school fees, children. I loved them instantly as their stories touched my heart. A highlight of the prayer walk was meeting with women with newly started businesses, just tiny, little fruit stands or seamstress booths. Their "shops" are TINY and made of twigs holding up small roofs. They were sacrificing all they had to start these businesses. It was an awesome pleasure to pray for them and their new endeavors. Before I knew it, my heart was aching to give the best of myself to these people.

We ended our prayer walk at the CCP Community Center where we finally got to meet the children. Many were wearing their finest clothing to greet us. We played games with them, then divided them into small groups to go out into the slums again and enter homes to assess their needs and pray with them. I was paired up with a CCP staff member, "Bob" and 6 girls and 1 boy ranging in age from 10-16. Samual, the boy, wanted to take us to his home to meet his mother.

This is where I entered the hardest point of my day. With unclear direction and lack of training (he's an office worker for CCP, not a social worker) "Bob" put me in a very uncomfortable and unsafe situation. First, he didn't translate his conversations with the "Mamas" for me then just asked me to pray. I had no idea what their conversations were about, how to specifically pray for them, but I did my best and just prayed a "general" prayer for each home I entered. Also, as we were walking through the slums, and this is where the safety comes into issue, "Bob" walked way ahead of me leaving me with a couple of kids far behind him. The slums are very crowded and difficult to navigate and I was scared for my safety and for getting lost. Fortunately, I was able to catch up with "Bob" and made it safely back to the CCP Community Center.

The good news was that upon returning to the Community Center and debriefing with the CCP staff, I learned that many lives were given to the Lord in other groups. Also upon our return, we measured each child's feat as we will surprise all 110 of them next week with new shoes.

We arrived back at the boarding house where we're staying late in the day and exhausted. We gathered together as a team after dinner to share our "highs and lows" of the day (something we are doing everyday) and that was when I shared my scary experience that day. With the emotions of fear fresh in my mind, heart broken from the poverty I had witnessed that day and complete exhaustion from lack of sleep, I broke into tears as I shared my feelings from the experience of walking and praying with the kids and "Bob." Much to my surprise, I learned the same thing happened to someone else on the team. We all decided this was a learning experience and we'll grow from it.

There is so much I could share, but I'm exhausted and want to get as much sleep as possible before we start another busy day first thing in the morning. I will continue to blog as much as possible, pending I have internet access and share my "highs and lows" with all of you. But as a recap I can say with full confidence that I feel God's presence all around me and I'm so honored and blessed to have this opportunity to be on the other side of the world sharing God's love in Kenya.

Travels with Mom

I struggle to put into words an event that was so life changing and amazing that even the most brilliant vocabulary doesn't seem to do it justice. How do I reduce this event to mere words? I will do my best, but for my readers, you're only going to get a small glimpse, a tiny piece of a week that left imprints on my heart for a lifetime. This has been my struggle for the last two weeks, which explains why I'm just now even making an attempt at this.

Two weeks ago my mom and I returned home after a week together in Pennsylvania. The purpose of the trip was to attend my mom's aunt and uncle's estate auction in New Holland. As stated in previous blog posts, my family roots are "plain," quite literally. My ancestral roots go back to "Horse-and-buggy Mennonites" and even Amish relatives. This auction, followed by a family reunion the next day, was quite a "blending" of the different cultures my family line contains.

This was the first time my mom and I ever took a trip together, just the two of us. It was something I had wanted to do for a long time, but I will confess, I was a bit apprehensive about it too. We would be sharing a bed together in a quaint room at my mom's cousin's house and spending lots of time together in the car. Pre-trip, I wondered if such close quarters might cause bickering between us, but I couldn't have been more wrong. Instead, these tight quarters and travel time brought bonding between us and a HUGE growth in our relationship. We had an entire day together after a day of travel and before the auction. We spent that first day with my Aunt Edna (my mom's sister) and my parent's long time friend, Clete. I'd heard a lot about Clete over the years, but had never met him. It didn't take long to realize that Clete and I shared a common sense of humor. Within an hour of meeting him, we were laughing and teasing and my mom and aunt gave us plenty to tease about.

The auction itself was something I will never forget for the rest of my life. The house my great aunt and uncle live in has been in the family for a very long time, in fact, my grandfather and all his siblings were born in that house. There were over 100 years of treasures in that house that were up for auction. Everything from quilts and milk jugs, to farm equipment and buildings (yes actual buildings to be torn down). Over a thousand people came out for the auction. The people watching was worth the travel alone! Family from all over the US traveled to New Holland for this monumental event (even my dad's brother and his wife came in from Ohio, even though it wasn't their family). The streets and property were covered with cars of all types, tons of bicycles and rows of horse-and-buggies. It really hit me just how far from California I was as I had an Amish man on my right and someone of an "alternative lifestyle" on my left. I was on sensory overload as I tried to take it all in. I was surrounded by family and strangers, all there to take home a piece of my family history. If you're wondering, I brought home a platter and a plate from the auction. I did bid on more, but that's what I ended up with.


The auction was followed up by a family reunion the next day. My mom's cousin, Roy, didn't want this opportunity of all the Hoovers being together to escape us without
the opportunity to share a meal together and share pictures and stories. It is said that from my grandfather's parents alone are over 700 descendants, and that number doesn't include the spouses. The Hoovers have large families, some over 12 kids each. Although it was raining and windy that day, it didn't stop about 200 people from gathering together under a large tent on the family property. There was lots of laughter and figuring out who were second cousins and first cousins-once-removed, and on and on. The family resemblances ran deep, despite the vast differences in our attire.

After a week of visiting different family members and sightseeing, we wrapped up our week with a day in Philly. We visited the Liberty Bell, the US Mint, Betsy Ross's house, memorials and more. Of course, a trip to Philly wouldn't be complete without a real Philly cheese steak!

There were so many times I wished the rest of my family could have been there to experience it, but God had a plan and I believe He orchestrated this trip to be just for my mom and me. Our relationship has had its ups and downs over the years as most children have with their mothers, but this trip definitely marked a new beginning for us. We grew to know each other as friends and learned to respect our differences and similarities. We laughed a lot and shared stories together and grew in our love for each other. A memorable moment for me was when my mom shared with me, with tears in her eyes, how much it meant to her to share this trip with me.

Whose Plan is this Anyway?

"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

Five years ago I had the privilege to go on a missions trip to Guatemala. While there, my team built a water collection cistern in a small remote village. Although it was a difficult task - no modern digging equipment or cement mixers, just "muscle power" - it was an experience I'll never forget. I left for the journey wondering how God would use me to change the lives of the Guatemalan people, but I returned with the heart that God used the Guatemalan people to change me! I also learned a profound lesson on the trip.....God's plan is ALWAYS better than mine.

I was so proud of myself to have my bags packed and in the car when I still had more than an hour before I had to meet my group and head to the airport. My bags were packed full of long skirts, customary attire for working in a Guatemalan school. That's when I got the call that I would be building a cistern and not working at the school. Irritated and disappointed, I pulled my suitcase from the car and repacked it with jeans and work clothes. If that wasn't disappointing enough, when we arrived where we would be staying in Guatemala, I found out I would be sharing a dorm with a bunch of teen girls. Here I was, away from my young girls, and I was going to be stuck with teenagers for 10 days. One day into the trip and I was thanking God for His plan and that He ditched mine. The physical labor of building the cistern was exactly how God wanted to work in my life. I tear up every time I think of that cistern and all the people that benefit from the water that's collected in it because of our labor on the slope of a volcano in a small village in Guatemala. And the teen girls I shared a room with? They were true entertainment, exciting and took me back to my youth. If God had let me have it my way, I would have missed out on so much!

Upon returning from that missions trip, all I could think about was, "Where next God?" For many years there has been a piece of me that wants to rid myself of all the "things" in my life and move to a foreign land as a missionary. Due to my husband's neck injury and God's lack of a long term calling on my life, it looks like, at least for now, that I'll have to settle for short term trips. So, I was beyond excited in late 2007 when God opened up the door for me to go to Kenya in early 2008. Kenya has held a piece of my heart for a long time. Not long after preparations for the trip began, violence broke out in Kenya after a questionable election and the trip was cancelled. I was devastated! However, I remembered from previous experiences that God's plan is always better and sure enough, several months later, God began some serious pruning in my life that lead to Him flooding my life with too many blessings to count. Had I gone on that trip, I know with all my heart, I would have been miserable and missed out on what God had in store for me.

All of this has lead me to present day and I'm scheduled to go to Kenya in August. Initially, my church was going to send one team to Kenya, but after great interest was shown in the trip, a second team was formed. Both my brother, Bill (well, he's not really my brother, but he's like a brother to me), and I applied to go. We were both accepted for the two week trip, but on separate teams. To top it off, my team was scheduled to go the second half of August, which would have me in Africa when my girls start school. After some emails back and forth with the Director of World Missions at church, I was moved to the first team with Bill. The funny thing was, I should have been thrilled, instead I had this feeling in my gut that something wasn't quite right. It didn't make sense to me, I was going to Kenya, with Bill and I'd be back in time for the first day of school. Why didn't it feel "right?"

January brought our first team meeting. All the missions teams were there: Kenya, Zimbabwe, Peru, India and Haiti. After a group meeting, we broke up into our teams. There I sat, next to Bill and my new team members, but my eyes kept drifting to the other side of the room to look at the second team, my original team. I committed the next two weeks to prayer....not my will, Lord, but yours. That's when the phone rang. The second trip had been moved up and although I wouldn't be able to travel with Bill, I would be home in time for the start of school for my girls. February brought our second team meeting and the first time I would meet with my new team, which was my original team....are you still with me? It took about 2 minutes to realize I was "home," with the team God wanted me to be on and the team He had put me on before I tried to interfere with my plan.

I imagine I won't know why God wanted me on that team until I'm in Africa, or maybe I won't ever know at all. But, one thing is for sure, just as Proverbs says, God's plan is always better than mine!

Walk the Talk

It was hard enough sending my oldest daughter to jr. high, but the "phone call" was excruciating! Yes, my sweet, little Kiley started jr. high in the fall and when I dropped her off for the first day of school my heart ached. I flashed back to my first day of jr. high and the nerves that tortured me many years ago invaded me once again. The small confines of elementary school were now over and the GIANT corridors of a large school with many teachers, many class rooms and mean kids were now a regular part of her day. If I could go in her place, I would have. I would even dare to say that it was more nerve racking to send my daughter than it was for me to go when I was her age. I knew she could adjust to changing classrooms, but it was the personalities of the hormonal students that worried me. Lets face it, as I stated earlier, kids can be mean, viciously mean, and Kiley is a shy, timid girl. All I could do was surrender her to God and PRAY! I prayed all day until she was back in the safe confines of my car after school.

Before I knew it, K had survived her first week and I could breathe a sigh of relief. I should have held my breath a little longer......for I was about to get the "phone call." The caller I.D. showed the school name and my heart skipped a beat as I anxiously grabbed the phone. "Kiley's had an accident in P.E." I was told as I heard her crying in the background. "You need to come get her right away. We've done all we can, but she can't finish out the school day." After I interrogated the the school official, I had the basic facts: she fell on the track, her knees were badly bleeding and I wouldn't believe just how bad until I got there. I arrived at the school to find her freshly bandaged knees bleeding profusely, through the bandages.

The ride home was difficult for both of us. Now Kiley had to endure my interrogation. From her, I uncovered the following facts: she had just started running the mile when a group of boys came from behind and pushed her down, it was witnessed by 2 girls that said the boy reached out and pushed her, then ran off laughing with his friends. Finally, no one could identify just who exactly did it. I got K home, removed some small rocks (not pebbles, but rocks) from deep within her knees, cleaned them and rebandaged them. With that complete, my feelings of sadness and hurt for Kiley slowly turned to rage towards the punk (he didn't deserve the name "boy") that did this. I never knew I could feel such anger towards a jr. high aged boy! The phone call to my husband wasn't any easier. He was thinking about attending her P.E. class the next day with a shotgun! He was going to get that boy to come forward even if it required beating every single one of them until someone spoke up (not that he would EVER do this, but it made us both feel better just to imagine it).

We were finally able to get our anger under control by surrendering it to the Lord. The rage inside of us was only hurting us, not the boy and how could we teach Kiley grace and forgiveness if we didn't practice it ourselves? We prayed tirelessly that not only could we forgive, but that Kiley's heart would heal with our hearts and that the boy would confess his apology and we could forgive him fully. We submitted our hearts to God each day as we went through the daily process of cleaning and rebandaging her knees. Even though our hearts ached for her, especially while she couldn't ride her beloved horse, Polka Dot (which was her passion), we trusted God had a plan and He would use this situation to bring Him glory.

Exactly one week after the fall, Kiley joyfully leaped into the car after school to proclaim that the boy that pushed her had come to her and confessed and asked for an apology. Kiley graciously offered him forgiveness. I beamed with pride as I grabbed the phone to share the news with my husband. I believe with all my heart that God convicted that boy to come forward. I believe that God taught us something about grace, forgiveness and the power of prayer through the incident. Finally, I believe that K learned that her parents don't just talk the talk, but we also walk the talk.