Whirlwind of Time

I'm well aware of the passage of time since my last post. I could easily list a plethora of excuses but, I'll stick to reality. Time has escaped me and the months it took to "recover" from my time in Kenya were many more than I expected. I should have blogged my feelings through those months, but for some reason I thought holding them in would prove a better method, but once again I was wrong. It shouldn't have been a big surprise to me, I'd been on a missions trip before. I know it takes months to process all that I saw, experienced, the disconnection from my "real life…" However, nothing from my previous trip could affect me as profoundly as Kenya did. Not long after my return, I became sick, which then began a new journey... one I haven't fully recovered from yet. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Celiac Disease. Basically, the treatment isn't as simple as a daily drug to take, rather it requires a complete overhaul of my diet MINUS GLUTEN!!!! Amongst this, my lifetime BFF, my "sister" was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer. Now my life revolves around my daily life as a mother of two, wife, the many activities of two preteen/teen daughters, no gluten and cancer! The profound effect of cancer on my life will require a whole blogpost at a later time. For now I'll close this post with a commitment, to blog regularly, not for the sake of readership and how many followers I can get, but for myself and my girls. Not only is writing therapeutic, but its also a legacy for my daughters (for more on writing to my daughters, click on "my other blog" to read from another neglected blog).

For an Audience of One

I'm a self-proclaimed "People Pleaser" and have been most of my life. Although many might find that label to be negative, there are actually some positive attributes that come with that title. I didn't need to take a "Spiritual Gifts Inventory" to know that God has given me the gift of service, hospitality and compassion. My heart's desire is to show people the love of Christ through serving them. When people around me hurt, I hurt. When I come across people in need, my nature is to do everything in my power to "fix" the problem. This is how God made me. Over the years, though, there have been times that being a "People Pleaser" have actually distanced me from God. I so desired to please someone that it came at the expense of my family and/or myself. After all, I can only put myself last and neglect myself for so long that I can't properly serve others the way God has called me to serve them. Many times, I've devoted so much of my time to someone or something else that I completely neglected my own Spiritual life and Spiritual growth. Not to mention, that I can become so devoted to the task of helping that I lose the PURPOSE of helping, which is to bring glory to God. I'm learning to evaluate why I do things by asking myself this question I read from an unknown author:

Do I crave the affirmation of those I serve, and do they help me feel important? Or do I serve because Jesus has so filled my heart that I must find a place to pour the overflow?

It's amazing how that series of questions can humble me to my knees! If there is one thing I don't ever want to be known as, it's a "quitter." I strive each and every day to be the best I can be and live the abundant life God has planned for me, but I've come to realize that not everything I desire to do is what God has called me to do. Many times, I've had to reevaluate my intentions behind what I do. If I can't answer them with "to glorify God," then quitting might become necessary. Not too long ago, I applied and gained entrance to Fuller Seminary in Pasadena to get a Masters degree in Christian Leadership. I have no doubt God called me to apply to the school as I prayed earnestly about the decision and felt I was answering God's call. However, when the time came to enroll in classes, I began to have doubt about my decision to attend seminary. What I realized is that there was a difference in being called to apply and being called to attend. Yes, God called me to apply.....I learned so much about myself during the process of answering essay questions in the application. But, when it came to actually attending, I realized it wasn't God calling me to attend, but myself wanting to please my parents and those around me. God wanted to teach me so much I could only learn through the application process, but His plan didn't include actually attending. I had to humble myself to "quit" school, even if it meant those around me might view me as a "quitter" because God's purpose was way more important than anything people might think of me that I can't even control. Who knows, God might call me to actually attend Fuller some day, but for now, I wait on Him and His plan and purpose alone. I live for an audience of ONE. I cannot live my life to please others, but to please the One that gave me life. Therefore, I'm removing the title of "People Pleaser" and picking up the title of "God's Servant."

I Left my Heart in Kenya

No amount of debriefing could have prepared me for returning to the United States. I have truly left my heart in Kenya! I've only been home for five days and all I can think about is returning, but this time with my family. Spending two weeks serving in Kenya was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. Next to the birth of my children, I've never felt so alive and profound purpose as I did in Kenya. For years, there's been a piece of me that has desired to be a full time missionary. In fact, I've spent the last six years praying that God would send me on a short term missions trip to Kenya and now that I've been there, I'm praying for Him to open the door for long term service in Kenya.

There is just something about the people that captured my heart. Maybe it's their sense of community despite all the poverty around them. Maybe it's their eagerness to hear about Jesus or maybe it's the children that I fell in love with half way across the world. All I know is that ever since I left, everything inside of me yearns to be back in Africa.

There is such a loss in my heart having left my dear Hadassah in the Kawangware Slums. I absolutely fell in love with her and desire her to be my very own just like my own daughters. Driving away from her last week tore me apart and I dream of being with her again. I have a constant movie playing in my brain of Hadassah and my girls playing together, my girls loving her and watching out for her. I'm praying for her daily and I'm so excited that such a small sacrifice of money from my family will be life changing for her. I hold on to the hope that she will be back in my arms again soon.

Yes, I left my heart in Kenya. My prayer is that I'll return soon with my family and they will love it as much as I do.

Reflections on Kenya

I arrived home safely from Kenya on Saturday and I'm still overwhelmed with emotions from my experience there. It was truly an amazing two weeks and I feel so honored and blessed that God opened up the opportunity for me to be a part of the awesome team He carefully put together to serve out His purpose in the Kawangware Slums of Kenya. I'm still processing all I saw and heard and felt while there. God was and continues to be at work in my life through this experience.

Upon arriving in the Kawangware Slums and seeing the living conditions for the first time, my heart broke. Broken down huts, trash, sewage, sick animals, hungry children, people so affected by HIV.....it tore me to pieces. My heart ached for these people and I began to wonder how my team of just 12 people could possibly make a difference in two short weeks. But, with God, nothing is impossible and I quickly learned that if we kept our focus on God, mountains could be moved and they were definitely moved!

It didn't take long for me to be able to look past the visual heartbreak of life in the slums and see the heart of the people that live there. What I saw was neighbors helping neighbors. People looking out for each other's children and a sense of community that I envy and long for at home. Sure, there were pick-pockets and drunks and places to avoid, but overall, I saw joy in the faces of the people I passed as I walked through the slums. I began to see people that had joy in their hearts despite the poverty all around them. As I walked along the road, I found that a smile on my face and a wave of my hand brought stares at my white skin to a friendly welcome on the faces of the people I passed.

What amazed me most about the Kawangware Slums was the hospitality of the people. At home, I would never open my door to a stranger, but as we approached the homes of complete strangers, we were welcomed in with warm hospitality. We found people that desperately wanted to know about Jesus and wanted us to pray with and for them. Never have I felt so welcomed by complete strangers!

One of my team's major tasks in Kenya was to put on the first ever youth only (ages 12-17) VBS for CCP (Chosen Children of Promise). We started each afternoon with fun games, which they loved. The kids were divided into two teams, "Kaboomboom" and "Gladiators" (they came up with the names) and they competed for points. The kids cheered for each other like I've never heard before. I often spent game time in complete awe of their great spirit for each other. After game time, was worship time with the kids leading the songs of praise. Let me tell you, these kids know how to worship! As I posted before, I had the awesome opportunity to teach on forgiveness and it was such an amazing experience to hear feedback from the kids how they learned from my experiences and yearned for hearts of forgiveness. We also did small groups to discuss the lessons. I was often blown away by how well they all listened and applied what they learned to their lives. It took some time to build that trust, but once we built it, the floodgates were opened. I led a group, along with CCP staff member, Emmanual, of 12 kids that I adored. The days were always wrapped up with snacks of tea and Mandazi (kind of like a donut) and closing worship song. We all agreed that the VBS was a huge success and best of all, over 20 kids gave their lives to Christ!

Some of my favorite moments in Kenya were the opportunities we had to give generously to the people. Through the money that my team raised to go to Kenya, we were able to bless so many people. We had the awesome opportunity to surprise 110 kids with brand new pairs of shoes. Most of those kids have never owned a new pair of shoes that actually fit their feet! (We traced the feet of all the children to get their sizes.) Also, through a prayer walk we did our first full day in the slums, we were able to identify 250 families that not only desperately needed the love of Christ, but also desperately were in need of food and basic household supplies. We put together 250 "goody bags" and, with the help of the VBS kids, hand delivered them to the families we met and prayed with on the prayer walk. The joy and surprise on their faces as we delivered the bags brought tears to my eyes. Through that simple gesture of love, many people gave their lives to Christ. I so wish I could be there in two weeks, when each of those families will be surprised by a second bag filled with the same supplies. The CCP staff will make those deliveries. The VBS kids were so honored to be able to give such gifts that they could never do on their own. Best of all, upon return to the community center, we surprised all the kids with bags for them to take home too.

There were two special girls that I formed special bonds with while in Kenya. First, was 4-year-old Hadassah that I now sponsor and wrote about in a previous blog. The second was a 15-year-old girl by the name of Lydia. She was in my small group and everyday she would save the chair next to her for me to sit in. I was always the first person she looked for when she arrived at the CCP Community Center and the last person she said goodbye to each day. She was a shy girl that didn't have a lot to say, but her smile said it all. She wrote me such a touching note on my last day sharing how much I had touched her life. But truly, it was my life that was touched by her! She also shared that she hoped her aunt would give her permission to come live with me in the USA. If only it were that simple, I would gladly welcome her. I told her to return to the Community Center the next Monday and there would be a surprise for her. I left a bunch of my clothes and headbands for her. I wish I could see her face when she receives them.

Although our team was able to accomplish so much in the Kawangware Slums in two short weeks, it's my life that was forever changed. I learned so much about myself and grew closer to Christ through this experience. It was a true blessing for me to work alongside of the amazing CCP staff and 11 other teammates that will forever be in my heart. A huge piece of my heart was left in Kenya and I can't wait to return again.

And a little laughter.....Part 2

My team has reminded me of so many funny moments I forgot in Part 1, so I've decided to add a Part 2. So, for your enjoyment:

While on safari, our team was divided into 2 vans with 6 people in each van. Most of the time our 2 vans were together. At one point, some zebras crossed the road right in front of our van. Thinking our other van was behind us, I turned around and yelled "Why did the zebra cross the road?" Much to my embarrassment, the van behind us wasn't our group, but another group of people. They all smiled back at me as Mimi said, "Did you think that (pointing to the van behind us) was them (pointing to the van in our group in front of us?" Oh well!

Also while on safari, we had been stopped to watch some giraffes. When the van went to drive away, Adele waved goodbye to the giraffe. I'm sure the giraffe appreciated her farewell.

Yet another moment on safari, while at the hotel, we were all waiting in line at the pizza bar when Karisa struck up a conversation with one of the chefs. He asked her how long she was staying here and she told him just one night. He proceeded to ask where she was staying and she replied, "Kenya." Everyone in line, not just people from our group laughed at her expense.

Poor Justin has been suffering from a bad bout with diarrhea ever since eating the mystery meat on the first day in Kenya. He has been surviving on rice and crackers since we got here. He has been working on a name for his illness for 2 weeks now and finally named it "The Slum Bum" this evening. Enough said!

Yesterday during worship, one of the volunteers at the CCP Community Center grabbed Karissa's phone to video everyone in the room. Last night, while going through the videos, we discovered a 4 second video of me dancing like a white girl to "Father Abraham." I am a white girl!

While walking through the slums, we get a variety of reactions from people along the way. Jeanette was the first to encounter a drunk man that propositioned her for sex. She told him, "no thanks" and moved on. Not to be outdone, Mimi received a marriage proposal while walking in the slums. Her mother, Nancy, is also on the trip, but did not approve of the marriage.

Speaking of drunk people. As Karissa and I were walking through the slums with a CCP social worker, we came across a man that said he wanted to know all about Jesus. We were talking to him as we walked (hopeful to bring him to Christ), but he was insistent that we come to his house and talk to him. We explained over and over that we couldn't (not only did we know it wasn't safe, but we were already running late at returning to the Community Center), he finally gave up and walked away. Karissa and I were very disappointed to find out from the social worker, Lucy, that he was drunk and high on drugs. How did we not realize that???

Tonight, we all went out to dinner and were excited to hear some American music where we ate. Many on the team began dancing in their seats and singing along. Still wound up from the restaurant, we began singing to Stella in the van. We sang all the songs we've been singing at the community center as loud as we could. Stella was sad she didn't have her phone with her to record us and use it as her ring tone. We promised her that when she picks us up in the morning, we will give her an encore concert.

Check out this funny video on cravings: http://www.youtube.com/user/ccvshiftstudents1#p/a/u/1/nnoYg2sei6Y

That's it for now, but you never know, there might be a part 3 since this barely puts a dent in all the funny moments.

Shopping with Hadassah

I finally got to see Hadassah today! I met her, her mom and her sister, Stella, at the market place for a shopping spree. Our first stop was at a clothing store where she was amazed by all the choices she had of pretty dresses. I don't think she's ever owned a new outfit before, much less a beautiful dress. She picked out a fancy dress with a bright yellow top, black full skirt and a great big, black bow around the neck. Her face lit up when she put it on. She didn't want to take it off. Our next stop was shoes. She picked out the shiniest pink shoes with a silver glitter bow on the top. They didn't match her dress but she didn't care. She loved them! We tried to talk her into the same dress but in a different color to match her shoes but she wanted nothing to do with that. The yellow and black dress went perfectly with her pink shoes in her 4 year-old brain.

Although I don't sponsor her sister, Stella, I didn't want to leave her out. I had her pick out an outfit too. She quickly picked out a yellow and black sweater that matched her sister's dress. Then she picked out a jean skirt that went well below her knees but it didn't pass Mama's test. She wanted her to wear something longer. She settled for a black skirt that went to her mid calf and pleased her mother. She was so thankful as she didn't expect to get anything for herself.

Our final stop was at a shop called "Wallmart" (yes, it's spelled with 2 l's). It was much smaller than our Walmarts but had a bit of everything. I told Mama Hadassah (mother's in Kenya are called by "Mama," followed by their child's name) to pick out a couple of things for her home she needed. She carefully picked a thermos to keep food warm and a little stove. She was so grateful for these items and she couldn't stop thanking me.

I was able to purchase all these items with just $40. That same amount of money would cover 2 months of rent for her tiny home in the Kawangware slums. It amazes me how little this family survives on each month. Often, after the rent is paid, there is little money for food. My sponsorship will provide monthly food for the family, school and medical care for Hadassah. My little sacrifice of $50 a month will provide so much for this little girl living in the slums on the other side of the world from me.

After the shopping trip, came the dreaded moment that I had to say goodbye to Hadassah and her family. I pray that I can return to Kenya in 2-3 years, but it also crossed my mind that this might be the last time I see her in person, hold her in my arms or hold her hand as I walk with her. God willing, it won't be the last time I see her. The first time I met Hadassah last week, she was fascinated with my watch and how it lit up when she pressed a button. I decided that I could survive my last few days in Kenya without a watch and I took it from my wrist and put it on Hadassah's wrist. She was so excited and my eyes teared up. I looked up at her mother and her eyes were also tearing up. She gave me the "2 cheek hug" they give in Kenya and couldn't stop thanking me. Stella also hugged me and thanked me again and then I held and hugged Hadassah for the last time before getting back into the van. As I climbed into the van, I burst into tears. I didn't want to leave this precious girl that I've grown to love so much. I waved to them as we drove away with so many emotions running through me. I was so happy to bless this family, yet heart-broken to say goodbye.

And a little laughter......

Although my team is in Kenya to serve God in the Kawangware Slums, there is still time for fun and laughter. I've decided to share some of those moments in my blog for your enjoyment, although they probably won't be as funny to you as they are to us.

Something we hear everyday as we drive or walk through the slums is a chant from the children that grows and grows as more children join in. That chant is "How are you? How are you? HOW ARE YOU?" It goes on and on until we're out of sight. The kids get so excited when we repeat the chant back to them. What makes this more comical is that many of the kids don't know the actual question, but more the rhythm, so they say, "malaru, malaru, malaru." What makes this funny is that in Swahili, malaru means "potato." So, basically, we're called potatoes!

Another word we hear a lot is "Mzungu," which means "white person." Word in the slums spreads quickly that the "Mzungus are here." We have also heard it in the market place when the vendors are trying to get us to purchase their goods. I had an experience the other day when I was trying to negotiate a price on some wooden crosses and the vendor said he had to check the price with his boss. I attempted to follow the vendor when he stopped me and said, "He'll see you're a Mzungu and raise the price." I knew what he was really up to. He didn't have exactly what I wanted, so he was working as a middle man to sell me someone else's goods.

My team has heard all kinds of funny things in the market place. Here are some of the discounts we've been offered: Christian discount ("my sister is a nun!"), student discount, pastor discount, American discount and my personal favorite...."I'll give you a good discount since your President Obama was born in Kenya." Really? He has spent a bit of time trying to defuse that rumor.

Mark, our team leader, has an accent from living many years in Africa and South America. On our first day in the community center, the youth got in a giant circle and put us in the middle to introduce ourselves. As we said our names, the kids repeated them. When Mark said his name, his accent silenced the "r" and it sounded like "Mawk." The kids repeated it exactly and we haven't stopped pronouncing his name like that since. We often mimic his accent and come up with funny things to say. Karissa loves to take it a step further and add a Russian accent to the mix.

The driving in Kenya is just CRAZY! It makes driving in Mexico seem like a breeze. Drivers go when they want to, make their own lanes, and run down anything or anyone that gets in their way. Pedestrians definitely don't get the right-of-way here! Stella, she works for CCP and drives us everywhere, is excellent at swerving, honking and being an aggressive driver. We all joke that we will likely be in a car accident before leaving Kenya.

We all get a kick out of the Kenyan soap operas the cooks watch while we eat dinner. They are all Hispanic actors/actresses but their accents sound Japanese. The cooks love them though!

That's all for now. We only have 2 full days left in Kenya then we begin the 21 hour journey flying home. We have VERY BUSY days ahead of us, but they are exciting days. Tomorrow I get to take Hedessah shopping and I'm so excited to see her again. I will post pictures when I return home, so please check back for those. :)