Will the Real Celebrity Please Stand Up?

I don't watch celebrity awards shows too much anymore.  In my younger years, I wouldn't miss I minute of them.  As I've gotten older, became part of the workforce and realized just how hard it is to earn money, the harder it is for me to grasp why celebrities are paid such ridiculous salaries and then celebrate themselves with awards.  Don't get me wrong, I realize for most actors, they had to work very hard to get where they are and they do have hectic schedules, but does their salary truly measure up equally to the work performed?  I just can't help compare them to the American Soldier.  Our military, especially those deployed, work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, often for weeks without showers and a good warm meal.  They don't have fancy trailers to retreat to and catered meals at the work site.  They are thousands of miles away from their families for months, sometimes over a year at a time.  For many, they have children they don't get to see born, celebrate birthdays with, walk them to school on their first day, etc.  For every soldier, there's a family member at home, holding down the fort, worrying if they'll ever see their loved one again.  They don't have the privilege of on-set nannies to care for their children while they work.  The hardest part to grasp out of all of this, is that their salary in a year easily equals a one day shopping trip of the high paid actor.  Actors get praised by the public and their peers in articles, news programs and awards shows.  Our military faces harsh criticism by some and return home sometimes to protests.   How does this seem remotely fair? 

It's easy to think about our military in times of national crisis, but the true sacrifices they make year round are hardly noticed by most of the population.  Whether you agree or not with the orders they've been given by our government, they themselves deserve praise by every citizen in the United States.  They have chosen to work hard, physically and emotionally draining and extremely dangerous jobs to protect the freedom of this country.

Although I've always appreciated the incredible sacrifice of the American Soldier, never did it hit so close to home as it did on May 28, 2007.  That particular year, May 28th was Memorial Day.  My husband's friend since childhood, Staff Sgt. Thomas McFall, was killed in Iraq when an explosive detonated nearby during a dismounted patrol in Baghdad.  He left behind a wife and 3 children.  At his service, I sat behind his wife as she held their toddler daughter and their two sons sat by her side.  I couldn't begin to imagine what the road ahead of her would look like.  They were a military family, made little money and now had a short period of time to vacate their home on the military base, find a new home and figure out how to raise their kids as a single mother.  That family and the thousands like her and every member of the military are TRUE CELEBRITIES in my eyes!

I wish Hollywood celebrated our military. What an incredible event it would be to see our American Soldiers as the presenters and seat fillers at the Emmy Award Ceremony 2013.  I would love to see our service women and military wives dressed by the top designers and draped with millions of dollars in borrowed jewels.  If this happened, I for sure, would watch every second of the Emmys.  I'd be willing to bet that it would have the highest viewer ratings in the history of Emmy broadcasts.

In Memory of Staff Sgt. Thomas McFall

Something To Remember

Part of being a "Perfectionist" is having everything neatly sorted and labeled.  Friends and family have often teased me about my obsession with the label maker.  Just about every room in my house (with the exception of the garage and my husband's workshop, which I gave him full reign of long ago) have totes with labels on them.  From the time my girls were born, their play area was neatly organized and they learned very early on how to put their toys away.  Every kind of toy they had, had a bin it went in and not only was it labeled with the type of toy that went in it, but it also had a picture on the bin of the toy so the girls knew where to put things away.  Now that I think about it, "Neurotic" might be a better name for me.  I am probably the only parent on this earth that would know if one block out of 50 was missing!  I'm also the opposite of a hoarder, I've been known to throw out import documents, so when I do save things, you can be certain that they're special and neatly filed in a labeled tote.

I love to sew, quilt and create things.  Our guest bedroom has had to double as my sewing/crafting area for the past 12 years we've lived in this house.  A couple of weeks ago, with my daughters now teenagers, I wondered why we still had a "Play Room" in our house.  The girls went through the room and categorized everything into three piles: keep, donate, throw away.  I guarantee you that if they chose to keep an item, it was nicely placed in a labeled tote in each of their closets in their rooms.  Their play room then became my paradise (and now when my parents or other guests stay the night, they actually get a roomier guest room).

Being the "Neurotic Perfectionist" I am, I have kept a drawer of items I needed to file with my sewing/crafting stuff.  Today, as I finally got the chance to clean out that drawer, I found a special "card" my parents gave me when I turned 40.  I need to back up 15 years, ever since my parents became "Mamaw" and "Guga," they would make special cards for each of their four granddaughters on their birthdays.  This sheet of paper always included pictures from throughout their lives and a special poem that "Guga" writes for each girl.  My sister and I only get these cards on "special birthdays."  My 40th qualified as a special birthday.  NOW, is the TRUE treasure of this blog, I want to share the card they made me for my 40th.
These pictures don't do it justice, but it's the poem that I'm most excited about sharing.

 It's been forty years since our Shawna was born,  
Her pictures show she was a cutey.
At each stage of her life she kept her good looks,
Better yet kept her great inner beauty.

In first grade she attended Magnolia School,
Was quite shy in her cute little way.
In fourth grade at Valencia a switch must have flipped,
She was hard to suppress, we must say.

At Pioneer she was a popular girl,
A good student and leader worth praising.
Then high school the usual highs and the lows,
But her trust in her God was amazing.

Shawna worked hard through her college years,
Went to school, held down jobs, served the Lord.
And "All things work out for the good," it is said,
Meeting John on the job, her reward.

First Kiley, then Makenna were born to the Moores,
They both are a grandparents treat.
And also the dogs and cats filled the house,
Goat and horse and much more up the street.

A constant for Shawna through most of her life,
Has been Stacia a friend link no other.
Through the ups and the downs, the thicks and thins,
They have always supported each other.

Shawna is faithful to serve where she can,
Guatemala and Kenya she blessed.
She'll continue to give and support those in need,
May the next forty years be her best.

I'm so thankful for this treasure, which is not in a labeled tote in a closet, but hanging on my magnetic board above my sewing area.

Was That Last Year?

Here I am, nearly a year since my last post, with a laundry list of reasons I haven't blogged during this time. These include: Makenna (now 13) has water polo practice nearly every day of the week with tournaments nearly every weekend, Kiley (now 15) still has the horse that we must attend to everyday, I've been fighting to get my health back after being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, my best friend/sister/a literal piece of me is battling stage 4 cancer and I've been at her side for almost every treatment and surgery. We've done a few "bucket list" trips, including Las Vegas, New York City and Seattle to visit her family. Then you add in Jr. Olympics for Makenna, Kiley attending the second best rated high school in Southern California and my life is a bit CHAOTIC! The biggest reason I've neglected my blog though, is that it's not on my list of top priorities. I have this disease I've aptly named "Perfectionism." If I can't give my best to something, then I don't do it. As much as I say I shouldn't care of what people think of my blog, I really do. If I can't write the perfect summary of what's happening in my life or what's on my mind, then I just don't write....which is bad since this blog is really about my family and me and something that we can all look back on and remember. Perhaps someday my great, great grandchildren will get a glimpse of who I am through the things that I've written. However, I'm sure technology will be way beyond blogging by the time they are born! I have been writing privately though, more like journaling my journey with my above mentioned sister-friend. I call her that because she's more than a friend, we're close like sisters. We grew up together, in fact, I even had my own bedroom in her house growing up! She's been beside me through the trauma, the joys, the bumps in the road and the many exciting things life has brought our way. That journal is for us only, therefore, you won't ever find it on my blog. I may share, publicly, some of our adventures together, but the deep stuff is for the private journal only. In order to conquer my disease of "Perfectionism," and to get me writing again, I've decided my blogging will now become short paragraphs of little thoughts or moments I want to share. Sometimes I might not write anything at all and just post a picture. Please join me as I make an attempt at this new blogging journey. For those of you that followed my other blog, http://fortheloveofmygirls.blogspot.com/, I haven't posted on that for 2.5 years. I decided long ago to simplify my life and just keep one blog. I am, however, not taking that blog down as it is what it's called, "For the Love of my Girls" and I want them to be able to have access to it if they ever want to laugh at the words of wisdom I tried to leave for them. Until next time, I'm leaving you with a few pictures of events from the last year.

 Candid moment between Kiley & Dot

 Kiley Riding Dot

 Makenna at Jr. Olympics

 Her Team Placed 6th in the Nation!

 Stacia & I in NYC at the WTC Memorial

Whirlwind of Time

I'm well aware of the passage of time since my last post. I could easily list a plethora of excuses but, I'll stick to reality. Time has escaped me and the months it took to "recover" from my time in Kenya were many more than I expected. I should have blogged my feelings through those months, but for some reason I thought holding them in would prove a better method, but once again I was wrong. It shouldn't have been a big surprise to me, I'd been on a missions trip before. I know it takes months to process all that I saw, experienced, the disconnection from my "real life…" However, nothing from my previous trip could affect me as profoundly as Kenya did. Not long after my return, I became sick, which then began a new journey... one I haven't fully recovered from yet. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Celiac Disease. Basically, the treatment isn't as simple as a daily drug to take, rather it requires a complete overhaul of my diet MINUS GLUTEN!!!! Amongst this, my lifetime BFF, my "sister" was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer. Now my life revolves around my daily life as a mother of two, wife, the many activities of two preteen/teen daughters, no gluten and cancer! The profound effect of cancer on my life will require a whole blogpost at a later time. For now I'll close this post with a commitment, to blog regularly, not for the sake of readership and how many followers I can get, but for myself and my girls. Not only is writing therapeutic, but its also a legacy for my daughters (for more on writing to my daughters, click on "my other blog" to read from another neglected blog).

For an Audience of One

I'm a self-proclaimed "People Pleaser" and have been most of my life. Although many might find that label to be negative, there are actually some positive attributes that come with that title. I didn't need to take a "Spiritual Gifts Inventory" to know that God has given me the gift of service, hospitality and compassion. My heart's desire is to show people the love of Christ through serving them. When people around me hurt, I hurt. When I come across people in need, my nature is to do everything in my power to "fix" the problem. This is how God made me. Over the years, though, there have been times that being a "People Pleaser" have actually distanced me from God. I so desired to please someone that it came at the expense of my family and/or myself. After all, I can only put myself last and neglect myself for so long that I can't properly serve others the way God has called me to serve them. Many times, I've devoted so much of my time to someone or something else that I completely neglected my own Spiritual life and Spiritual growth. Not to mention, that I can become so devoted to the task of helping that I lose the PURPOSE of helping, which is to bring glory to God. I'm learning to evaluate why I do things by asking myself this question I read from an unknown author:

Do I crave the affirmation of those I serve, and do they help me feel important? Or do I serve because Jesus has so filled my heart that I must find a place to pour the overflow?

It's amazing how that series of questions can humble me to my knees! If there is one thing I don't ever want to be known as, it's a "quitter." I strive each and every day to be the best I can be and live the abundant life God has planned for me, but I've come to realize that not everything I desire to do is what God has called me to do. Many times, I've had to reevaluate my intentions behind what I do. If I can't answer them with "to glorify God," then quitting might become necessary. Not too long ago, I applied and gained entrance to Fuller Seminary in Pasadena to get a Masters degree in Christian Leadership. I have no doubt God called me to apply to the school as I prayed earnestly about the decision and felt I was answering God's call. However, when the time came to enroll in classes, I began to have doubt about my decision to attend seminary. What I realized is that there was a difference in being called to apply and being called to attend. Yes, God called me to apply.....I learned so much about myself during the process of answering essay questions in the application. But, when it came to actually attending, I realized it wasn't God calling me to attend, but myself wanting to please my parents and those around me. God wanted to teach me so much I could only learn through the application process, but His plan didn't include actually attending. I had to humble myself to "quit" school, even if it meant those around me might view me as a "quitter" because God's purpose was way more important than anything people might think of me that I can't even control. Who knows, God might call me to actually attend Fuller some day, but for now, I wait on Him and His plan and purpose alone. I live for an audience of ONE. I cannot live my life to please others, but to please the One that gave me life. Therefore, I'm removing the title of "People Pleaser" and picking up the title of "God's Servant."

I Left my Heart in Kenya

No amount of debriefing could have prepared me for returning to the United States. I have truly left my heart in Kenya! I've only been home for five days and all I can think about is returning, but this time with my family. Spending two weeks serving in Kenya was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. Next to the birth of my children, I've never felt so alive and profound purpose as I did in Kenya. For years, there's been a piece of me that has desired to be a full time missionary. In fact, I've spent the last six years praying that God would send me on a short term missions trip to Kenya and now that I've been there, I'm praying for Him to open the door for long term service in Kenya.

There is just something about the people that captured my heart. Maybe it's their sense of community despite all the poverty around them. Maybe it's their eagerness to hear about Jesus or maybe it's the children that I fell in love with half way across the world. All I know is that ever since I left, everything inside of me yearns to be back in Africa.

There is such a loss in my heart having left my dear Hadassah in the Kawangware Slums. I absolutely fell in love with her and desire her to be my very own just like my own daughters. Driving away from her last week tore me apart and I dream of being with her again. I have a constant movie playing in my brain of Hadassah and my girls playing together, my girls loving her and watching out for her. I'm praying for her daily and I'm so excited that such a small sacrifice of money from my family will be life changing for her. I hold on to the hope that she will be back in my arms again soon.

Yes, I left my heart in Kenya. My prayer is that I'll return soon with my family and they will love it as much as I do.

Reflections on Kenya

I arrived home safely from Kenya on Saturday and I'm still overwhelmed with emotions from my experience there. It was truly an amazing two weeks and I feel so honored and blessed that God opened up the opportunity for me to be a part of the awesome team He carefully put together to serve out His purpose in the Kawangware Slums of Kenya. I'm still processing all I saw and heard and felt while there. God was and continues to be at work in my life through this experience.

Upon arriving in the Kawangware Slums and seeing the living conditions for the first time, my heart broke. Broken down huts, trash, sewage, sick animals, hungry children, people so affected by HIV.....it tore me to pieces. My heart ached for these people and I began to wonder how my team of just 12 people could possibly make a difference in two short weeks. But, with God, nothing is impossible and I quickly learned that if we kept our focus on God, mountains could be moved and they were definitely moved!

It didn't take long for me to be able to look past the visual heartbreak of life in the slums and see the heart of the people that live there. What I saw was neighbors helping neighbors. People looking out for each other's children and a sense of community that I envy and long for at home. Sure, there were pick-pockets and drunks and places to avoid, but overall, I saw joy in the faces of the people I passed as I walked through the slums. I began to see people that had joy in their hearts despite the poverty all around them. As I walked along the road, I found that a smile on my face and a wave of my hand brought stares at my white skin to a friendly welcome on the faces of the people I passed.

What amazed me most about the Kawangware Slums was the hospitality of the people. At home, I would never open my door to a stranger, but as we approached the homes of complete strangers, we were welcomed in with warm hospitality. We found people that desperately wanted to know about Jesus and wanted us to pray with and for them. Never have I felt so welcomed by complete strangers!

One of my team's major tasks in Kenya was to put on the first ever youth only (ages 12-17) VBS for CCP (Chosen Children of Promise). We started each afternoon with fun games, which they loved. The kids were divided into two teams, "Kaboomboom" and "Gladiators" (they came up with the names) and they competed for points. The kids cheered for each other like I've never heard before. I often spent game time in complete awe of their great spirit for each other. After game time, was worship time with the kids leading the songs of praise. Let me tell you, these kids know how to worship! As I posted before, I had the awesome opportunity to teach on forgiveness and it was such an amazing experience to hear feedback from the kids how they learned from my experiences and yearned for hearts of forgiveness. We also did small groups to discuss the lessons. I was often blown away by how well they all listened and applied what they learned to their lives. It took some time to build that trust, but once we built it, the floodgates were opened. I led a group, along with CCP staff member, Emmanual, of 12 kids that I adored. The days were always wrapped up with snacks of tea and Mandazi (kind of like a donut) and closing worship song. We all agreed that the VBS was a huge success and best of all, over 20 kids gave their lives to Christ!

Some of my favorite moments in Kenya were the opportunities we had to give generously to the people. Through the money that my team raised to go to Kenya, we were able to bless so many people. We had the awesome opportunity to surprise 110 kids with brand new pairs of shoes. Most of those kids have never owned a new pair of shoes that actually fit their feet! (We traced the feet of all the children to get their sizes.) Also, through a prayer walk we did our first full day in the slums, we were able to identify 250 families that not only desperately needed the love of Christ, but also desperately were in need of food and basic household supplies. We put together 250 "goody bags" and, with the help of the VBS kids, hand delivered them to the families we met and prayed with on the prayer walk. The joy and surprise on their faces as we delivered the bags brought tears to my eyes. Through that simple gesture of love, many people gave their lives to Christ. I so wish I could be there in two weeks, when each of those families will be surprised by a second bag filled with the same supplies. The CCP staff will make those deliveries. The VBS kids were so honored to be able to give such gifts that they could never do on their own. Best of all, upon return to the community center, we surprised all the kids with bags for them to take home too.

There were two special girls that I formed special bonds with while in Kenya. First, was 4-year-old Hadassah that I now sponsor and wrote about in a previous blog. The second was a 15-year-old girl by the name of Lydia. She was in my small group and everyday she would save the chair next to her for me to sit in. I was always the first person she looked for when she arrived at the CCP Community Center and the last person she said goodbye to each day. She was a shy girl that didn't have a lot to say, but her smile said it all. She wrote me such a touching note on my last day sharing how much I had touched her life. But truly, it was my life that was touched by her! She also shared that she hoped her aunt would give her permission to come live with me in the USA. If only it were that simple, I would gladly welcome her. I told her to return to the Community Center the next Monday and there would be a surprise for her. I left a bunch of my clothes and headbands for her. I wish I could see her face when she receives them.

Although our team was able to accomplish so much in the Kawangware Slums in two short weeks, it's my life that was forever changed. I learned so much about myself and grew closer to Christ through this experience. It was a true blessing for me to work alongside of the amazing CCP staff and 11 other teammates that will forever be in my heart. A huge piece of my heart was left in Kenya and I can't wait to return again.