Real or Not?

Disclaimer:  It is not my intent to offend or criticize anyone with the procedures discussed in this blog post.  I am not against any of the listed procedures or look down on anyone who has undertaken them.  

It's no wonder why so many girls (and some boys) have so many body issues. Whether I'm at the beach, reading a magazine, watching tv or walking around town, I've observed so many women that most would consider to be perfect beauty.  I've often wondered if such true outer beauty and "perfection" is truly possible.  I've known for years that pictures in print should not be considered to be realistic.  After all, those women are airbrushed and Photoshopped to perfection.  Basically, they're not "real."

I've come to realize though, that in our current times of plastic surgery and fake everything, outer beauty really is more of a creation than reality for a good chunk of the American population.  Just about any procedure is available if you're willing to pay for it.  Breasts can be enhanced, tummy's tucked, cheek bones implanted, eyes lifted, cellulite removed, implants to the butt, etc.  The perfect body can be created by a surgeon.  To go even further, much more can be faked with hair extensions, color contacts, manicures, tattoo makeup and even eye lash extensions.  Botox and facelifts, can make one look 20 years younger.  Make-up can hide just about anything and/or enhance facial features, sometimes turning someone into a completely different looking person.  All you have to do is pick up a magazine containing "Stars Without Make-Up" to prove this point.  To find a "true natural beauty" is nearly impossible anymore.

After having my daughters, I'd look at pictures of celebrities who also just had babies that already looked like they did pre-baby.  I'm sure I could have looked like that too if I had money to pay for a private chef to create healthy, yummy meals and personal trainers to whip my body right back into shape.  They all have nannies to watch their children while they workout and get up in the middle of the night so mom can be well rested and have the energy to exercise for 3 hours each day.  They don't have to experience the sleep deprived, zombie-like state that the average new mother experiences, eating junk food that comes in boxes and bags in between naps, nursing and diaper changes.  I remember feeling like a successful day was a day that I got a shower and brushed my teeth twice.

Just about everything is fixable!  My thin, slow-growing hair can be corrected with hair extensions.  My scars from childbirth can be corrected with a laser or tummy tuck.  Just about anything I want changed can be done, but at what cost?  Even elementary aged girls are taking part in all that is available to them.  Girls are wearing make-up at younger ages, hair extensions are common and parents are presenting their teenagers with plastic surgery for their birthdays or graduation.  We are teaching our girls young, that their outer beauty makes them who they are in life. Now society wonders how we're creating young women with eating disorders, body image issues and a complete lack of self confidence.  Those that don't subscribe to the above mentioned procedures can't keep up!

As I already mentioned, I'm not criticizing anyone for taking part in any of these procedures.  After all, I wear make-up and color my gray hair.  However, I have tried my best to keep the appearance God gave me when He created me.  It's a choice I've made because I want my daughters to find their inner beauty above anything external.  I want them to develop Godly lives that strive to be more like Christ than the latest celebrity. 

Wouldn't it be great if the next time we, or our children, looked at someone and wished we looked like that, we'd see our own inner beauty and find that to be more beautiful?  After all, reality isn't what we see, it's what we don't see, it's the confidence that comes from within that really matters, not what can be created by man.

Will the Real Celebrity Please Stand Up?

I don't watch celebrity awards shows too much anymore.  In my younger years, I wouldn't miss I minute of them.  As I've gotten older, became part of the workforce and realized just how hard it is to earn money, the harder it is for me to grasp why celebrities are paid such ridiculous salaries and then celebrate themselves with awards.  Don't get me wrong, I realize for most actors, they had to work very hard to get where they are and they do have hectic schedules, but does their salary truly measure up equally to the work performed?  I just can't help compare them to the American Soldier.  Our military, especially those deployed, work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, often for weeks without showers and a good warm meal.  They don't have fancy trailers to retreat to and catered meals at the work site.  They are thousands of miles away from their families for months, sometimes over a year at a time.  For many, they have children they don't get to see born, celebrate birthdays with, walk them to school on their first day, etc.  For every soldier, there's a family member at home, holding down the fort, worrying if they'll ever see their loved one again.  They don't have the privilege of on-set nannies to care for their children while they work.  The hardest part to grasp out of all of this, is that their salary in a year easily equals a one day shopping trip of the high paid actor.  Actors get praised by the public and their peers in articles, news programs and awards shows.  Our military faces harsh criticism by some and return home sometimes to protests.   How does this seem remotely fair? 

It's easy to think about our military in times of national crisis, but the true sacrifices they make year round are hardly noticed by most of the population.  Whether you agree or not with the orders they've been given by our government, they themselves deserve praise by every citizen in the United States.  They have chosen to work hard, physically and emotionally draining and extremely dangerous jobs to protect the freedom of this country.

Although I've always appreciated the incredible sacrifice of the American Soldier, never did it hit so close to home as it did on May 28, 2007.  That particular year, May 28th was Memorial Day.  My husband's friend since childhood, Staff Sgt. Thomas McFall, was killed in Iraq when an explosive detonated nearby during a dismounted patrol in Baghdad.  He left behind a wife and 3 children.  At his service, I sat behind his wife as she held their toddler daughter and their two sons sat by her side.  I couldn't begin to imagine what the road ahead of her would look like.  They were a military family, made little money and now had a short period of time to vacate their home on the military base, find a new home and figure out how to raise their kids as a single mother.  That family and the thousands like her and every member of the military are TRUE CELEBRITIES in my eyes!

I wish Hollywood celebrated our military. What an incredible event it would be to see our American Soldiers as the presenters and seat fillers at the Emmy Award Ceremony 2013.  I would love to see our service women and military wives dressed by the top designers and draped with millions of dollars in borrowed jewels.  If this happened, I for sure, would watch every second of the Emmys.  I'd be willing to bet that it would have the highest viewer ratings in the history of Emmy broadcasts.

In Memory of Staff Sgt. Thomas McFall

Something To Remember

Part of being a "Perfectionist" is having everything neatly sorted and labeled.  Friends and family have often teased me about my obsession with the label maker.  Just about every room in my house (with the exception of the garage and my husband's workshop, which I gave him full reign of long ago) have totes with labels on them.  From the time my girls were born, their play area was neatly organized and they learned very early on how to put their toys away.  Every kind of toy they had, had a bin it went in and not only was it labeled with the type of toy that went in it, but it also had a picture on the bin of the toy so the girls knew where to put things away.  Now that I think about it, "Neurotic" might be a better name for me.  I am probably the only parent on this earth that would know if one block out of 50 was missing!  I'm also the opposite of a hoarder, I've been known to throw out import documents, so when I do save things, you can be certain that they're special and neatly filed in a labeled tote.

I love to sew, quilt and create things.  Our guest bedroom has had to double as my sewing/crafting area for the past 12 years we've lived in this house.  A couple of weeks ago, with my daughters now teenagers, I wondered why we still had a "Play Room" in our house.  The girls went through the room and categorized everything into three piles: keep, donate, throw away.  I guarantee you that if they chose to keep an item, it was nicely placed in a labeled tote in each of their closets in their rooms.  Their play room then became my paradise (and now when my parents or other guests stay the night, they actually get a roomier guest room).

Being the "Neurotic Perfectionist" I am, I have kept a drawer of items I needed to file with my sewing/crafting stuff.  Today, as I finally got the chance to clean out that drawer, I found a special "card" my parents gave me when I turned 40.  I need to back up 15 years, ever since my parents became "Mamaw" and "Guga," they would make special cards for each of their four granddaughters on their birthdays.  This sheet of paper always included pictures from throughout their lives and a special poem that "Guga" writes for each girl.  My sister and I only get these cards on "special birthdays."  My 40th qualified as a special birthday.  NOW, is the TRUE treasure of this blog, I want to share the card they made me for my 40th.
These pictures don't do it justice, but it's the poem that I'm most excited about sharing.

 It's been forty years since our Shawna was born,  
Her pictures show she was a cutey.
At each stage of her life she kept her good looks,
Better yet kept her great inner beauty.

In first grade she attended Magnolia School,
Was quite shy in her cute little way.
In fourth grade at Valencia a switch must have flipped,
She was hard to suppress, we must say.

At Pioneer she was a popular girl,
A good student and leader worth praising.
Then high school the usual highs and the lows,
But her trust in her God was amazing.

Shawna worked hard through her college years,
Went to school, held down jobs, served the Lord.
And "All things work out for the good," it is said,
Meeting John on the job, her reward.

First Kiley, then Makenna were born to the Moores,
They both are a grandparents treat.
And also the dogs and cats filled the house,
Goat and horse and much more up the street.

A constant for Shawna through most of her life,
Has been Stacia a friend link no other.
Through the ups and the downs, the thicks and thins,
They have always supported each other.

Shawna is faithful to serve where she can,
Guatemala and Kenya she blessed.
She'll continue to give and support those in need,
May the next forty years be her best.

I'm so thankful for this treasure, which is not in a labeled tote in a closet, but hanging on my magnetic board above my sewing area.

Was That Last Year?

Here I am, nearly a year since my last post, with a laundry list of reasons I haven't blogged during this time. These include: Makenna (now 13) has water polo practice nearly every day of the week with tournaments nearly every weekend, Kiley (now 15) still has the horse that we must attend to everyday, I've been fighting to get my health back after being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, my best friend/sister/a literal piece of me is battling stage 4 cancer and I've been at her side for almost every treatment and surgery. We've done a few "bucket list" trips, including Las Vegas, New York City and Seattle to visit her family. Then you add in Jr. Olympics for Makenna, Kiley attending the second best rated high school in Southern California and my life is a bit CHAOTIC! The biggest reason I've neglected my blog though, is that it's not on my list of top priorities. I have this disease I've aptly named "Perfectionism." If I can't give my best to something, then I don't do it. As much as I say I shouldn't care of what people think of my blog, I really do. If I can't write the perfect summary of what's happening in my life or what's on my mind, then I just don't write....which is bad since this blog is really about my family and me and something that we can all look back on and remember. Perhaps someday my great, great grandchildren will get a glimpse of who I am through the things that I've written. However, I'm sure technology will be way beyond blogging by the time they are born! I have been writing privately though, more like journaling my journey with my above mentioned sister-friend. I call her that because she's more than a friend, we're close like sisters. We grew up together, in fact, I even had my own bedroom in her house growing up! She's been beside me through the trauma, the joys, the bumps in the road and the many exciting things life has brought our way. That journal is for us only, therefore, you won't ever find it on my blog. I may share, publicly, some of our adventures together, but the deep stuff is for the private journal only. In order to conquer my disease of "Perfectionism," and to get me writing again, I've decided my blogging will now become short paragraphs of little thoughts or moments I want to share. Sometimes I might not write anything at all and just post a picture. Please join me as I make an attempt at this new blogging journey. For those of you that followed my other blog, http://fortheloveofmygirls.blogspot.com/, I haven't posted on that for 2.5 years. I decided long ago to simplify my life and just keep one blog. I am, however, not taking that blog down as it is what it's called, "For the Love of my Girls" and I want them to be able to have access to it if they ever want to laugh at the words of wisdom I tried to leave for them. Until next time, I'm leaving you with a few pictures of events from the last year.

 Candid moment between Kiley & Dot

 Kiley Riding Dot

 Makenna at Jr. Olympics

 Her Team Placed 6th in the Nation!

 Stacia & I in NYC at the WTC Memorial

Whirlwind of Time

I'm well aware of the passage of time since my last post. I could easily list a plethora of excuses but, I'll stick to reality. Time has escaped me and the months it took to "recover" from my time in Kenya were many more than I expected. I should have blogged my feelings through those months, but for some reason I thought holding them in would prove a better method, but once again I was wrong. It shouldn't have been a big surprise to me, I'd been on a missions trip before. I know it takes months to process all that I saw, experienced, the disconnection from my "real life…" However, nothing from my previous trip could affect me as profoundly as Kenya did. Not long after my return, I became sick, which then began a new journey... one I haven't fully recovered from yet. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Celiac Disease. Basically, the treatment isn't as simple as a daily drug to take, rather it requires a complete overhaul of my diet MINUS GLUTEN!!!! Amongst this, my lifetime BFF, my "sister" was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer. Now my life revolves around my daily life as a mother of two, wife, the many activities of two preteen/teen daughters, no gluten and cancer! The profound effect of cancer on my life will require a whole blogpost at a later time. For now I'll close this post with a commitment, to blog regularly, not for the sake of readership and how many followers I can get, but for myself and my girls. Not only is writing therapeutic, but its also a legacy for my daughters (for more on writing to my daughters, click on "my other blog" to read from another neglected blog).

For an Audience of One

I'm a self-proclaimed "People Pleaser" and have been most of my life. Although many might find that label to be negative, there are actually some positive attributes that come with that title. I didn't need to take a "Spiritual Gifts Inventory" to know that God has given me the gift of service, hospitality and compassion. My heart's desire is to show people the love of Christ through serving them. When people around me hurt, I hurt. When I come across people in need, my nature is to do everything in my power to "fix" the problem. This is how God made me. Over the years, though, there have been times that being a "People Pleaser" have actually distanced me from God. I so desired to please someone that it came at the expense of my family and/or myself. After all, I can only put myself last and neglect myself for so long that I can't properly serve others the way God has called me to serve them. Many times, I've devoted so much of my time to someone or something else that I completely neglected my own Spiritual life and Spiritual growth. Not to mention, that I can become so devoted to the task of helping that I lose the PURPOSE of helping, which is to bring glory to God. I'm learning to evaluate why I do things by asking myself this question I read from an unknown author:

Do I crave the affirmation of those I serve, and do they help me feel important? Or do I serve because Jesus has so filled my heart that I must find a place to pour the overflow?

It's amazing how that series of questions can humble me to my knees! If there is one thing I don't ever want to be known as, it's a "quitter." I strive each and every day to be the best I can be and live the abundant life God has planned for me, but I've come to realize that not everything I desire to do is what God has called me to do. Many times, I've had to reevaluate my intentions behind what I do. If I can't answer them with "to glorify God," then quitting might become necessary. Not too long ago, I applied and gained entrance to Fuller Seminary in Pasadena to get a Masters degree in Christian Leadership. I have no doubt God called me to apply to the school as I prayed earnestly about the decision and felt I was answering God's call. However, when the time came to enroll in classes, I began to have doubt about my decision to attend seminary. What I realized is that there was a difference in being called to apply and being called to attend. Yes, God called me to apply.....I learned so much about myself during the process of answering essay questions in the application. But, when it came to actually attending, I realized it wasn't God calling me to attend, but myself wanting to please my parents and those around me. God wanted to teach me so much I could only learn through the application process, but His plan didn't include actually attending. I had to humble myself to "quit" school, even if it meant those around me might view me as a "quitter" because God's purpose was way more important than anything people might think of me that I can't even control. Who knows, God might call me to actually attend Fuller some day, but for now, I wait on Him and His plan and purpose alone. I live for an audience of ONE. I cannot live my life to please others, but to please the One that gave me life. Therefore, I'm removing the title of "People Pleaser" and picking up the title of "God's Servant."

I Left my Heart in Kenya

No amount of debriefing could have prepared me for returning to the United States. I have truly left my heart in Kenya! I've only been home for five days and all I can think about is returning, but this time with my family. Spending two weeks serving in Kenya was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. Next to the birth of my children, I've never felt so alive and profound purpose as I did in Kenya. For years, there's been a piece of me that has desired to be a full time missionary. In fact, I've spent the last six years praying that God would send me on a short term missions trip to Kenya and now that I've been there, I'm praying for Him to open the door for long term service in Kenya.

There is just something about the people that captured my heart. Maybe it's their sense of community despite all the poverty around them. Maybe it's their eagerness to hear about Jesus or maybe it's the children that I fell in love with half way across the world. All I know is that ever since I left, everything inside of me yearns to be back in Africa.

There is such a loss in my heart having left my dear Hadassah in the Kawangware Slums. I absolutely fell in love with her and desire her to be my very own just like my own daughters. Driving away from her last week tore me apart and I dream of being with her again. I have a constant movie playing in my brain of Hadassah and my girls playing together, my girls loving her and watching out for her. I'm praying for her daily and I'm so excited that such a small sacrifice of money from my family will be life changing for her. I hold on to the hope that she will be back in my arms again soon.

Yes, I left my heart in Kenya. My prayer is that I'll return soon with my family and they will love it as much as I do.