My Close Encounter with Death

As I mentioned in my previous post, I had a "near death experience" in the ocean on our camping trip. Last year I competed in the La Jolla Rough Water Swim for the first time. Although I trained a lot in the pool, I only trained two days in the ocean and for those of you that are ocean swimmers, you know there is quite a difference! I successfully completed the course last year, but it didn't come easy. Determined to start training earlier this year and beat last year's time, I decided to take advantage of the time at the beach on our camping trip. Since the ocean water is still EXTREMELY cold this time of year, I brought my wetsuit along to help me handle the freezing water. As stated in my previous post, John and Bill expressed concerns about the ocean conditions, but there seemed to be a consensus (at least from my view) that I could handle it. I had a good 30 minute session of swimming and was feeling confident in myself that I will do better this year in La Jolla. Before I even knew what was happening, the current began to pull me down the beach and further away from the shore. The already big waves greatly increased in size and I found myself being sucked into them, unable to fight my way out. Where before I was able to go under the wave and pop back up, these waves had such force that as I dove underwater, the water began whipping me around and pulling me so far under that I could hardly hold my breath long enough to surface to the top. I would have only seconds to catch my breath, before yet another wave would come and repeat the scary ordeal. Within a few minutes of my leisurely swim, I found myself in complete survival mode. I tried to remain calm, but my overwhelming predicament was pulsing through my mind. Reality was setting in quickly, we were in an area of the beach with no lifeguards and besides my group, there were only two other groups on the beach. As I tried to turn towards the shore and find my family, I could see them in the distance, John playing in the sand with the girls. I couldn't locate Bill and Janet. Although I knew it was impossible for anyone to hear me, I began screaming for my life every moment I had above water and wildly waving my arms. Soon, I found this was a hopeless cause and was only exhausting me more. My brain was telling me, "this is it, you are now at the end of your life." I live much like the words of the Apostle Paul in Philippians chapter 1. I desire to be with Christ, but I also live with joy, living out God's purpose for me and enjoying every moment God gives me with my friends and family. As stated in Phil. 1:21, "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." Therefore, I don't think about death that much, but I have thought enough about it that I knew there were two ways I didn't want to die, by burning in a fire and drowning. Now, here I was, about to drown. I began praying for peace with my predicament and for some reason that I do not know, I wasn't praying for my life. I took one last look at the beach and my family I most certainly believed I was leaving behind, my eyes scanned down the beach and I saw Bill and Janet walking along the shore looking out at me and even though I know it was only a split second, the expression on their faces penetrated me and I began repeating my favorite verse in my head, "I can do all things through Christ, I can do all things through Christ..." (I live this verse so much that I've tattooed it on my body). I continued to let the current pull me down the beach, but I slowly began the extremely difficult task of fighting my way to the shore. Before I knew it, I was coming out of the water, beaten, EXHAUSTED, sick from all the salt water I had taken in, shaking from shock. I walked back with them to where we were set up, going over the events that had just taken place over and over again in my mind. I was met by all with, "You shouldn't have gone out there." Still in shock and unable to express it, also knowing they all had NO IDEA what I had just been through, I began grabbing all my things and telling them I needed to go back to camp. I reached the trailer, dropped everything outside, went in and took a hot shower as I broke down into tears.

The rest of the evening I was quiet. Although I wanted desperately to curl up into a ball in my bed in the trailer, I didn't know how to explain what I was experiencing in my head, I did my best to join the group for dinner around the campfire. Finally, I got up to use the restroom in the trailer and as I shut the door behind me, I began crying again and realized I couldn't fake it anymore, there was no way I could go back out there. Still in shock, I couldn't ration with myself that these people are my family and best friends, I should just try to explain how I was feeling, they would understand. But, when in shock, nothing is rational. Eventually John came in to check on me and I broke down in tears and said I just needed to go to bed. Of all nights, this was the night the fuse panel broke and we couldn't get the beds down. I curled up on the couch as everyone tried to fix the beds until they eventually gave up and we pulled out the sofa beds. I didn't sleep well that night or any night for the rest of the trip.

I'm still going over the events in my head, wondering if I'll ever get over it. No one knows this (well they will now, writing is often my only release), as I didn't know how to explain it, but I'm still in a state of shock. I went on with the trip, enjoying myself and my time with my family and friends, however, the events of that day were never out of my mind. Even today, 4 days later, I'm anxious inside, still trying to process what happened.

I know this is no coincidence that today is Good Friday. I'm praying that the shock and anxiety of that day will die today, just as our sin died with Christ on the cross. I want nothing more than to move forward, allowing God to free me from the shock and use it to grow my relationship with Christ as we celebrate my favorite holiday of the year, Easter!

Coming out of the water after my ordeal